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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...