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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.