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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.