Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.