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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!