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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.