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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.