Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Trust me, I am a liar.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.