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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!