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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
You make me want to be a drunker person
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.