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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3