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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..