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Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
Pro tip for picking up girls ā keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Iām convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.