Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.