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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
status uploading
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle