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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
It´s never to late to be happy
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.