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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I drink coffee for your protection.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?