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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Not so great minds also think alike.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you