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I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I have Beer.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.