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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Don`t waste my timeline.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...