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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.