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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.