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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.