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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
My mom says I`m special.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Long story short, I love summaries
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.