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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.