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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....