Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Mondays should start at noon.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.