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Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.