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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time