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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."