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MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.