Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.