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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.