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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"