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Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.