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Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye