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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.