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You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…