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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.