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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.