Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.