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Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.