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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I laugh in the face of normal.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.