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All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."