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I put the o in illiterate!
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
The best things in life require no pants.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
The well behaved rarely make history.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.