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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.