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Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
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Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.