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Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.