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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.