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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".