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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.