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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
How Big is Infinity?
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.