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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.