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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?