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Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.