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You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Relationship Status: eating
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....