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Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.