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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.